This past weekend we went back up to South Carolina to visit family. It was so much fun and so nice to have a little bit of a break, but definitely too short of a trip! We miss the cold weather, warm fire and our family already!
The day before we left was a rough one with Judah so I was terrified to get on a plane with him. He was teething and emotional which meant we ended up completely defeated, in the backyard- him eating dirt, me drinking a beer while sitting on a picnic table meant for asses much smaller than mine. And while I’m ok with it now, I was feeling that crazy mom guilt over how frustrated I was with him at the time.
As I sat outside and watched him play, beating myself up over how I could possibly be upset with a baby who clearly just wanted me to comfort him, I took advantage of social media. I shared a picture of my beer with a venty little caption on instagram and this post I shared in a top secret, moms only, peaceful parenting group on facebook is actually what prompted me to share this story:
“Mamas, I need some “woo-saa” or something. I’m feeling really guilty about this, but my almost 14 month old is working my nerves this week. I think he’s going through a growth spurt or another molar is about to show its face, or maybe he’s just lost his mind, but he only wants me. All.the.effing.time. I am a laid back person. And I love him. And it’s amazing and wonderful that I’m his comfort zone. But I just want to shit without reading a goshdamn bath book with him on my lap and my boob out. I know I’m not the only one. I’m thankful for my life with him in it and I am well aware that my problems are so very small compared to others. But all that in mind, we’re flying out of town tomorrow and I’m terrified he’s going to go all Rosemary’s Baby on the plane. What do you do when you’re at your wits end with your little one? Other than drink beer before 5 while they eat dirt in your yard. Because I’m already doing that.”
I was half expecting the moms to either put my comment on WhiteWhine.com, immediately judge me for losing my cool (It IS a peaceful parenting group), or tell me to pull it together and mom-up. But they didn’t. Not ONE person had a harsh word for me. And if they weren’t pointing at me calling me a bad mom, why was I beating myself up so badly?
There was an overwhelming response of moms saying they were in the same boat, yet no one was talking about it…or at least that I knew of. One mom even suggested that I blog about it. Because clearly us mamas don’t realize that we’re NOT alone in our frustrations.
So here I am. Blogging. Admitting that I get frustrated with a child that isn’t old enough to understand why his mom would ever want to close the bathroom door without him in there throwing toys in the toilet and screaming at her about reading a book that she has memorized. Admitting that I don’t have my shit together and probably never will completely. Admitting that even if I haven’t been able to do much work, at the end of a rough day, having a living toddler is my new version of success. And I’m ok with it. All of it. This is my life now.
If you’ve been frustrated with your little ones and read this until the end in hopes of some revelation or miracle sleeper hold safe for babies, I’m sorry. I’m not a pro at this parenting thing. Some will suggest books, but let’s be honest here- if I’m already wishing there were more hours in the day, when in the hell am I going to read that mess?! Ain’t nobody got time for that! I’m just hoping to raise a halfway decent, compassionate human being. And if that requires a beer before 5 sometimes, then so-be-it.
And if you’re having a mom guilt trip, feel free to come over for pre-happy hour in my backyard. 2-for-1 beers on me and handfuls of dirt for your little ones courtesy of Mother Nature herself.
On a more positive note, here are some of my favorite pictures from our trip (he was actually amazing on the flight in case you’re curious):